January 3, 2011

Who Wants Cheese?

You may want some cheese to go along with my whine, and I'm also going to get a little cheesy too. Consider yourself warned, now are you ready?

I'm struggling. I'm finding myself having such a hard time falling back into my routine after R & R. It doesn't help that it's still been the holidays. I know that in a few more days I'll be feeling much better about it, but right now it's hard.

I loved seeing Pat during his R & R. We had so much quality time, and it was great. All that amazing time though has made him going back even harder for me. Before he left initially, he had been working such long hours that I barely saw him. He came home from work around bedtime, and the weekends were always filled with getting chores and errands done. Our quality time before the deployment was lacking. As a result of this, the first part of the deployment was easy. I had been so used to doing everything myself that it really wasn't a transition to him being gone. Also, because we hadn't had much time together it was like I didn't know what I was missing when he deployed. However, now after these two weeks together it is very clear what I am missing each day that Pat is gone. Those two weeks of R & R were like a long weekend with nothing planned except being together and having fun. I cannot remember the last time Pat and I got to bond so much in such a short amount of time.

Now that he's gone, I am so sad that my friend, lover, and father of my children is not here. My chest feels empty, and I sometimes miss him so badly that it hurts. It feels like I can't breath because a rock is on top of me. I'm feeling weak, and I am NOT weak. I question how I'm going to make it through these next months. I know it takes a while to get back into the swing of things, and I'll be there soon. I'm sure once things get back to deployment normal that time will start flying. I really just want time to start flying...


The Fischer Family said...

I'm so sorry Shelly! I hope that things will get easier quickly for you!

Jessica said...

so very sorry Shelly...wish I had the words,but I do not. I understand though. I understand all the feelings that you are describing. Will say an extra prayer for you.

Just Another MilSpouse said...

I know this is a little late, but I wanted to comment. I starred the post so I could come back to it when I had time to actually write. I also wanted to wait until our R&R was over as well. I can say all the right words but until I have been in your shoes (returned DH to the airport) I can't really speak from the heart.

I wish I had wise words to give you, I wish I knew the way to make it all better but I don't. I'm sitting here at my computer surfing blogs trying to stay busy because it's taking me a while to get used to the loneliness again too.

I am hoping that the funk doesn't last as long as it did when he first left. The only thing that has been helping me is knowing that I can start counting down to Homecoming rather than R&R.

This comment isn't very helpful, I realize that, but if it does nothing else hopefully you know that you aren't alone. I'm sure there are plenty of other wives out there going through the same thing.

Take care.


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