December 21, 2011

Getting Over It

I know I've been complaining quite often.  I sound like such a downer.  But with this most recent blow, I feel overwhelmed with emotions with no place to release them.  So thus, I'm coming to my space to release my pain.

I'm having a hard time getting over the change in our plans.  I think this is mostly because I haven't been happy with certain aspects (although they are kind of large aspects) of our life for quite a while.  I have not made it a secret that I do not really like where we currently live.  I have tried to make the best of it and complain as little as possible.  I knew it wouldn't change until Command was done.  I had survived 4 years here (and two deployments).  Not only was there a light at the end of this tunnel, but it was more than just getting to some place new.  We were getting to a dream location.  We would have been 1 hour from our families.  We would have been near friends.  Pat would have had his perfect job.  Everything was in place.

I'm finding it so hard to put that smile back on my face for another year here.  I know being unhappy isn't the way to live, but so many things here lead us to feel that way.  Neither of us is happy with the way things currently are.  We had so many plans that we've had on hold for so long waiting for this move that are now not only delayed a year+, but our options are not going to be anywhere near ideal like they were this time.  I know we need to make some changes, and we are planning on big ones.  But again, we must wait so long.

 It's just that everyday I face a reminder that we are not moving forward.  There were so many things I thought I'd be doing at our new home and new location.  I thought this would be our last Christmas here.  I thought we'd be able to celebrate with family next year.  I thought the kids would get to start a new school.  I thought we'd be decorating and painting the boys bedroom and making a nursery.  I can still do some of that, but not how I wanted knowing we'll be putting the house on the market.

So that is where I'm at.  We're traveling home to spend this holiday with family.  We were also planning to look at houses and meet Pat's new boss.  Some of that is cancelled.  I'm just going to try to enjoy the time with my loved ones and forget about what we're going to least for now.


December 17, 2011

Two Little Words

I hadn't mentioned yet that things were falling into place for our next assignment.  The stars were aligning so that Pat was going to get an awesome assignment at a location we couldn't have dreamed of actually getting.  It's NOT an exotic place that people want, but it was perfect for our family, our needs, and our future.  I didn't want to say anything for fear of jinxing it.

I shouldn't have worried about that though.  I should have known better and realized the Army has NEVER given Pat anything he wanted, and this time would be no different.

It's not the end of the world, but two little words ruined so many hopes, dreams, and possibilities.  I bet you are wondering what words, right?


The month before Pat's already scheduled change of command a stop move order is going to go into effect.  Pat will not be changing out of command.  We will not be pcsing.  We will not get any closer to family.  We are stuck here and unhappy.    

To say we are upset would be an understatement.  We had been waiting on the next part of Pat's career since he graduated the Captain's Career Course FOUR, yes you read that right, FOUR years ago.  Now we wait some more, but the sad part is the assignment that we had won't be available for us again.    

I'm sure I'll have more to share about all the effects of this in future posts.  It just feels kind of raw right now.    

December 14, 2011

A Year Ago

A year ago today I was getting ready to pick Pat up for R & R.  I remember it being hectic and exciting.  I remember Ryan's emotional reaction.  I remember Sean getting sick that night.  I remember how great 2 weeks with my husband was after he'd been gone so long.  You can read about his arrival home HERE.

It's funny how time works.  After the summer left and we had settled back to normal, the memories of this rough deployment seem to have faded.  I appreciate that, but it also feels weird to think he hasn't even been home a year yet.

Speaking of not being home a year yet, can you guess what word is being thrown around now?  There is a formal meeting about it today for spouses.  The dreaded D is coming again.  We may be pcsing before (you never know with the Army though), but my thoughts and heart are with families that are going to be receiving this type of new so soon after getting their loved ones back and right before the holidays.

Today I will enjoy having my husband home for more than 2 weeks this holiday season.

P.S.  Thank you all so much for the kind comments on my last post.  Your support is greatly appreciated and truly means a lot to me.

December 10, 2011

What I haven't been saying

I know I have been neglecting my blog.  My updates have been a bit half hearted.  I'm going to explain what's been going on now.

I'm about 12 weeks pregnant.  It's great news.  We are so happy and excited.  I still feel really nervous and even cringe a little about typing it out for the world to see.

But it's also been hard.  I've been sick.  I'm a lucky one that doesn't vomit (most of the time), but that doesn't equal feeling good.  I feel nauseous all day long.  I feel like I want to be sick.  I feel yucky.  I feel emotionally unstable.  I almost feel depressed between the emotions and the physical effects.  I know it sounds really woe is me and all, but it's the truth of how I've been feeling.

I was really looking forward to pregnancy again.  Since this is possibly our last pregnancy I promised myself that I would be so grateful and try to enjoy every moment and milestone of the pregnancy.  While I am so very grateful for this pregnancy, I have come to realize I am not a woman that enjoys pregnancy.    I'm not trying to convince anyone to feel bad for me.  I am lucky and I know that, but it's been a bit hard the past few months so that is why I haven't been around much.

As I said I'm still really nervous.  We've heard the heartbeat, and I saw the baby yesterday.  Maybe I'll post that story later.

December 8, 2011

Holiday Spirit

I haven't been feeling very festive this year.  I know I'll be feeling the holiday spirit more in a few weeks when I travel home.  Until then though, I seem to be missing it.  We aren't decorating for the holidays, I didn't do Christmas cards this year, and it's just kind of sad to be glossing by the holidays.

One quick way I'm finding my holiday spirit is in a warm cup of hot chocolate.  My in-laws sent some Christmas stuff for the boys.  Included in the package was a box of peppermint Peeps.  They are VERY peppermint.
So I decided it would be great to use them in hot chocolate.
 I placed a peep in the bottom of my mug.
Used my keurig to brew the hot chocolate on top the Peep.  It melts from the hot water.  And I was left with minty hot chocolate.  
If you can't find peppermint Peeps anywhere there is an alternative.  I found peppermint mini marshmallows at the grocery store.
 I brewed it the same way.  The mini marshmallows are a little less minty, but it is still a delicious and warm treat.

December 7, 2011

Photos From Ryan's B-day

I wanted to share a few photos from Ryan's Birthday since my last post was lacking pictures.

My sweet 4 year old boy!

Covering his eyes before presents.
New Toys!

 Sean usually gets a new toy or two on Ryan's Birthday.
 It was awesome to see so much joy on his face.
 Sean was pretty happy with his toys too.

Ryan had this cake picked out for months before his birthday.  When we go shopping at Sam's Club, Ryan likes to check out the cupcakes.  One day he saw transformer cupcakes.  From that day forward it was pretty much decided that transformer cupcakes were the only option.  

As someone who enjoys decorating cakes, it was hard for me to buy the cake, but maybe next year he'll let me make something again.

It was a great day, and I'm pretty sure Ryan thought it was a great birthday too.  
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