April 18, 2011

How am I going to do it alone?

It's been planned that during the first week of block leave Pat will be going to visit some of his Soldiers at Brooke Army Medical Center and Walter Reed Army Medical Center.  In fact I booked all his flights the other night.  He'll only be gone for a few days, but for some strange reason the thought of being alone is causing me anxiety.  I keep feeling worried about taking care of the kids and doing everything alone.

The funny part of this is that I'm currently doing it all alone and have been for many, many months.  So why is the thought of just doing what I'm doing today so overwhelming to me?

I think that I'm so looking forward to having a parenting partner and help around the house that it seems scary to go back to alone.  I know alone and can do alone, but I think I just don't want to do alone anymore.  I know it will only be a few days, and it is so important to Pat and the Soldiers.  I also have the irrational feeling like if he leaves again it will be like homecoming was just a dream and that I won't see again for a long time.

Has anyone else had feelings of not wanting to let their loved one go after a deployment?  Or feel apprehensive about being alone, even though you know you can do it?

I think this must just be another one of those deployment mind tricks.  I know I will sail through those few days, and they will just be a few simple days like so many I've done before.  I need to relax and stop letting my mind get me worked up.

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Anonymous said...

I am the same way. It is as if I am so exhausted at the end of a year-long deployment that the mere thought of parenting alone for even one day is overwhelming. But I get through it. We all do. Wine helps. :)

Lisa said...

I remember feeling the same way! After the deployment year was over, if he had to be gone for a weekend or whatever, I had a hard time. I even remember telling myself, "You survived a whole year of him being gone, a couple of days should be easy!" But it wasn't, and my self-talk didn't help much. We're 2 years past that year now, and I'm doing much better with time away.

Sarah E. said...

This is only my 2nd deployment, but I remember the first day my husband went back to work after his first deployment. It was all anxiety for me. And he's just down the road. I was eyeing the clock all day long.

{Stopping in from Military Monday}

Erin said...

First of all, what a great guy and leader that he is taking time out of his leave to visit his guys. Not all commanders would do that.

I totally get the anxiety. When D came back from 15 months in Iraq, the first time he went to work I had a melt down. It was like I was afraid he wasn't coming back or it was a dream and him leaving would ruin it? I think the whole having to say goodbye again, even for a short time, that is hard.

Christina said...

Yes I've had this feeling. I am always like "why do you need to go so soon?" I think it's just something soldier's have to do. I think they feel that since they are safely home and in one piece that they have a responsibility to the guys who are not. Yet, we as wives, know they have a responsibility to be home with us. I guess we just have to let them do both, but we can't change how we feel.

Jessica said...

Definetly have had those feelings..you are so not alone.

But what a wonderful thing for your husband to do, so many would not.

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