July 26, 2012

Having Friends

Recently Ryan was saying that he wants an "iron man surprise party with all his friends" for his birthday.  He doesn't quite understand that his birthday isn't until November, but his wishes were clear.  The part that tore my heart apart about his request though is that he doesn't have any friends to invite.  I know that, but I am so thankful that he doesn't quite realize that.  I asked him which friends to see what he would say.  He mentioned a girl he really liked in his last school year and shrugged his shoulders.  I named off his aunts, uncles, and cousins to which he enthusiastically nodded his head.  

It broke my heart even further when the flooring guy came by yesterday to measure and Ryan says to him, "Do you want to play with some of my toys?  I have some really cool ones."  The older gentleman just kind of looked at Ryan and returned to his work.  My poor kid just seems desperate for friends.

I know that a lot of the blame is on me.  Part of the reason we are all lacking friends is because I am very introverted and shy.  I know those are not good qualities, and I try to fight them.  I've made many efforts to meet people, but there have not been many friendships that naturally came about.  

I was recently pouring my heart out to my husband on this subject.  He was reminding me that things could be the same even after we move.  While I know that is true, I am choosing to be optimistic that maybe we'll have a neighborhood with little kids or we'll make friends from Ryan's new school, or even find friends in Pat's new co-workers.  One thing I know for sure though is that we'll be near our family.  They will be able to come to birthday parties, and we can have play dates with the cousins.  

While I hope we find even more friends than just our family, I am so looking forward being able to share our lives with the people we love.  Until we get there I will try my best to fill the voids that exist for my kids and just hope that they do not feel the loneliness that is here.  

5 comments:

Theresa said...

Shelley, some of what you said in this post is the essence of why I started blogging. I struggled for years to get beyond myself and find friendship, but I knew that my children needed it so I took a huge plunge and forced the issue. The beginning of my blog is basically documenting some of the insecurities and ways that I eventually got around them because I had to for the kids. It's been such a blessing for all of us. Granted, we have family around, but it's very much enhanced our lives to have found new friends for me and for them. You can do it! And quite honestly as you get farther into school, friends will come with the territory. It won't feel like such an effort because it will happen naturally. It all works itself out in the end :)

Joslin Williams said...

I've never had a tough time making new friends until I became a military wife. It's tough! I force myself to go over to my husband's work friends' houses. It'll be great for Ryan to be near his family. Cousins are the best!

Joanna said...

As a fellow introvert I can sympathize! My older son LOVES to play with friends so I try to take him to the playground nearby and he makes friends at pre-school as well as church. I've been going to MOPS the past few years which has made it easier to connect with other moms who have kids similar in age. Best of luck to you at your new destination!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

My 3 year old is constantly asking if his 'friends' can come over. And is thoroughly sad if there are no kids at the park. I think they love us, but miss their peers! So I will be grateful when preschool starts up again and playing with Mommy at home is good enough ;) I am glad you will be near family soon!

Christina said...

You will find many friends as your children grow. In fact as soon as they hit a certain age every few days they will say "I want you to meet my friends mom" and someone will show up at your door. In fact I have met all my friends the last 14 years just this way alone and have kept in touch with all of them. You will see, just hang in there.

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