Boy or Girl

I'm going to try to be very honest in this post, but I hope what I write won't be taken the wrong way.

Before Pat and I had children, we had dreamed of having them and talked about it a lot.  Both of us wanted a little boy first.  I had always pictured myself being a boy mom.  For some reason the idea of having a girl seemed intimidating.  Of course we would have been so happy with either a girl or a boy, and the fact that it was a healthy baby was really all that truly mattered.  However, I'll be honest, sometimes a parent has a wish of what gender their baby will be.  We were lucky that we got what we wanted.  Our first child, Ryan, was a boy.

When I was pregnant with our second child, I wanted another boy.  As I had said, I have always pictured having at least two boys.  I wasn't sure that what I had pictured was what it would or should be, but it was what I had imagined.   Pat again said he wanted a boy, as he feared having a girl since it was unknown territory to him.  When we went to our ultrasound we found our we were having another little boy, Sean.  We felt so blessed.  I was happy that Ryan would have a little brother, and it just felt right.

While Pat was gloating that we were having another boy, I felt a sudden twinge of sadness at the idea that I may not experience having a baby girl.  I knew I wanted to have a third child, but I knew it too could be a boy.  This twinge took me by surprise because up until this point I had really only been wanting to have boys.

As we raised our two little boys, I saw how much fun little boys can be.  I enjoy their energy and craziness.  It was everything I pictured motherhood would be plus more.

So when we were pregnant with our third child, I thought I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl.  I had so much fun with my boys, I thought having another one would just multiply that fun.  Or if it was a girl, I'd finally get to experience the other side.  You cannot lose no matter what gender you have because having a baby is such a blessing.

Pat and I decided to have an early ultrasound at a boutique place.  We were so excited to see our baby and know if it was a boy or girl.  Our third baby was modest and stubborn.  The baby had it's legs crossed and no matter how much moving and shaking I did, it would not show us what we were looking for.  I thought they were going to send us home without knowing.  At the end another ultrasound tech came in to try to get a view.  Thankfully at that last minute we caught a glimpse.  There was nothing between the legs, and we were told we were having a girl.  I was overjoyed.  Although I hadn't admitted it even to myself, I wanted a baby girl.  For the next month until my 20 week anatomy scan we kept it a secret that we knew we were having a girl.  After it taking so long at the first ultrasound to see, I was worried that maybe they had missed something and were wrong.  At our next ultrasound, we were again told it was a girl.  We saw the three lines and nothing between the legs.  Even after the second confirmation I was careful not to get too excited for fear that it wasn't true.  In June we found out for sure, it was true.  We had our little baby girl, Leah.

I know not everyone gets to experience both boy and girl children.  I really would have been happy having three boys.  Having a girl was not something I had imagined.  However, I've realized that I feel like my family is so complete with our new little girl, and it feels so meant to be.  I feel like I'm living the life I was meant for raising my two boys and one girl.  This boy momma has been won over by pink and ruffles.  I'm still a boy momma, but now also momma to a little girl too, and it feels so right.

Now I cannot imagine my life any other way!