July 11, 2012

Boy or Girl

I'm going to try to be very honest in this post, but I hope what I write won't be taken the wrong way.

Before Pat and I had children, we had dreamed of having them and talked about it a lot.  Both of us wanted a little boy first.  I had always pictured myself being a boy mom.  For some reason the idea of having a girl seemed intimidating.  Of course we would have been so happy with either a girl or a boy, and the fact that it was a healthy baby was really all that truly mattered.  However, I'll be honest, sometimes a parent has a wish of what gender their baby will be.  We were lucky that we got what we wanted.  Our first child, Ryan, was a boy.

When I was pregnant with our second child, I wanted another boy.  As I had said, I have always pictured having at least two boys.  I wasn't sure that what I had pictured was what it would or should be, but it was what I had imagined.   Pat again said he wanted a boy, as he feared having a girl since it was unknown territory to him.  When we went to our ultrasound we found our we were having another little boy, Sean.  We felt so blessed.  I was happy that Ryan would have a little brother, and it just felt right.

While Pat was gloating that we were having another boy, I felt a sudden twinge of sadness at the idea that I may not experience having a baby girl.  I knew I wanted to have a third child, but I knew it too could be a boy.  This twinge took me by surprise because up until this point I had really only been wanting to have boys.

As we raised our two little boys, I saw how much fun little boys can be.  I enjoy their energy and craziness.  It was everything I pictured motherhood would be plus more.

So when we were pregnant with our third child, I thought I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl.  I had so much fun with my boys, I thought having another one would just multiply that fun.  Or if it was a girl, I'd finally get to experience the other side.  You cannot lose no matter what gender you have because having a baby is such a blessing.

Pat and I decided to have an early ultrasound at a boutique place.  We were so excited to see our baby and know if it was a boy or girl.  Our third baby was modest and stubborn.  The baby had it's legs crossed and no matter how much moving and shaking I did, it would not show us what we were looking for.  I thought they were going to send us home without knowing.  At the end another ultrasound tech came in to try to get a view.  Thankfully at that last minute we caught a glimpse.  There was nothing between the legs, and we were told we were having a girl.  I was overjoyed.  Although I hadn't admitted it even to myself, I wanted a baby girl.  For the next month until my 20 week anatomy scan we kept it a secret that we knew we were having a girl.  After it taking so long at the first ultrasound to see, I was worried that maybe they had missed something and were wrong.  At our next ultrasound, we were again told it was a girl.  We saw the three lines and nothing between the legs.  Even after the second confirmation I was careful not to get too excited for fear that it wasn't true.  In June we found out for sure, it was true.  We had our little baby girl, Leah.

I know not everyone gets to experience both boy and girl children.  I really would have been happy having three boys.  Having a girl was not something I had imagined.  However, I've realized that I feel like my family is so complete with our new little girl, and it feels so meant to be.  I feel like I'm living the life I was meant for raising my two boys and one girl.  This boy momma has been won over by pink and ruffles.  I'm still a boy momma, but now also momma to a little girl too, and it feels so right.

Now I cannot imagine my life any other way!


Amber said...

I totally get what you're saying, we wanted a boy first but were very happy to have our healthy and happy girl. For our second Doc really wanted a boy but I loved the idea of a sister for TC but knowing I only wanted 2 kids I would have loved a little boy. When we saw that we were having a little girl I was happy and then I broke down crying during the ultrasound. I wasn't sad that I was having a girl, I was sad that I would never know what it's like to have a son.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand (I think every mom does). I'm not sure if we will have anymore children, but if we were I know we would want a boy (and I'm convinced we would have a girl....which we would love of course). They are different though, and as a mother I sometimes wonder how it would be to have a son and raise him into a man. The relationships are different between mother/son and mother/daughter. Since I never had a brother and all of our family has little girls I wonder how it would be.

You are very blessed! I'm glad things are going good for you guys!

Michelle said...

Honestly..you feel that way no matter how many kids you have! There's always a little longing for one or the other..I'm so glad that we've been blessed with some of each sex! They are all special in their own way!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

I always thought Id have girls because I always wanted boys. But have been blessed with two sweet ones and I love it. I would be totally happy if our future third child was either!~

Shell said...

I think we all learn to love what we have. :)

I feel complete because I have three children.

They all are boys, but that's the number of kids we feel completes our family- gender regardless.

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