May 5, 2012

When Running Away Isn't an Option

Lately I've been pretty shameful as a mom.  My fuse seems to be so short before I lose my temper.  I know I'm not acting like myself.  If I were to tell you the truth behind my shortcomings as of late, it would sound like I'm complaining.  I'm going to share anyway and hope you don't think I'm an awful complainer.

I'm feeling absolutely tired.  I feel like I'm not rested when I wake up in the morning.  I'm huge in both a pregnant and a fat way, or at least that is how my body feels.  I know pregnancy is supposed to be around 40 weeks, so it has always annoyed me when people start complaining about "feeling done" way early.  I tried so hard with the boys not to make any complaints because I knew the end was coming.  Somehow, I'm finding it so hard to make it to the end this time around without complaining.  I'll be 34 weeks Monday, and I'm not sure if my body is just weaker this time around or if it is that much harder to be taking care of the two boys while being pregnant.  I don't know how the moms of large households do it over so many times.  Now please, don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for this baby growing inside of me.  And I hope she stays there until she is ready to come out (or the doctors decide she is ready).  Some who know me in real life know that I do not take this for granted, so please don't get that impression.  I'm just saying it feels hard this time around.

Pat is away this weekend attending a memorial service for a fallen comrade from his last deployment.  The boys and I are making it just fine without him, which is really great considering I'm cranky.  Unfortunately last night didn't go so well.  Sean just wouldn't go to sleep, which isn't usually a problem for him.  Finally at 11 p.m. I just let him climb into my bed.  I figured if I was sleeping alone, I had plenty of room for him.  How is it that this little boy pushes me to the edge of my king sized bed no matter how much room there?  Thank goodness when I got up to move to the other side I placed a pillow on the ground below him.  (Yup, I deserve Mom of the Year!)  Sure enough 20 minutes later, Sean rolled right out of bed.  He hardly woke up to it.  I pulled him back up into the center of the bed.  Sean was pretty whinny through the night, kicking and flailing.  Let me tell you how nice it is to sleep right next to a flailing 2 year old.  During the night I woke up with my throat killing me.  I wasn't sure if it was because of the air conditioner blowing or if I was getting sick, AGAIN.  Considering that my head is throbbing this morning, I'd have to say I'm either sick again or having a relapse.

All I could think about as I laid in bed too uncomfortable to sleep (b/c of the throat) was how if I lived near family, I would surely go hide out at their house as soon as Pat gets home.  The things is I'm not sure how to get a break around here even when Pat is home.  If I stay home the kids inevitably get to me.  They can unlock all the door of the house.  Yes, talented little boys they are!  And I don't want to spend money, so trips to Target just feel pointless.  When I've tried to soak in the bathtub, I've ended up with two naked boys peeing in the water.  What I need is somewhere to run away to.  Hopefully I'll be able to do that when we move closer to family later this year.

And now since the sneezing has started, I need to just try my best to not pee myself.  Yes, that is actually a bit challenging these days.  It's a bit rainy today so hopefully we'll be able to lay low and relax.  I look forward to curling up with a cup of tea and listening to the giggles from the boys.  Elmo, Dora, and Umizoomi Apps for the ipad and iphone just may be my saving grace today.

Have a great weekend everyone!

6 comments:

Kristi said...

I've been there!! This is one of the hardest times in parenthood. You can't get a break from the kids because even if you coud find a place to escape two of them, you have still got one wreaking havoc on your hormones. Hang in there and beg your husband for a break when he's back.

Kate @ Daffodils said...

Our Cullen (two weeks away from 3) has just started coming in our bed at night. For such a little person, he takes up a lot of room!

Hang in there!

PalouseMom said...

Hang in there!! I was right there a few months ago. I was SOOOO ready for Lauren to come, I was convinced at 37/38 weeks that she was going to come early... almost beside myself when she didn't. Just remember to not be too hard on yourself. Things will get better!! Prayers for you!

KERRY said...

6 weeks will go by fast and then you will have your body back somewhat. I hope you find that place of solitude where you can go to relax a little. We all need a break at times...hang in there!

Jamie said...

I think that too when I ammhaving hard days. I just wish we could be by family.

The New Normal said...

It's amazing how much room a little kid can take up when they are in your bed! I remember with my 2nd baby feeling like I was done right around where you are now. There was no down time with a 2 year old running around and I didn't have family nearby either. You are a great mom and doing a great job! Hang in there!

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