August 17, 2010

Dreaming of What I Miss

I've been thinking a lot lately about the stuff I miss while Pat is gone. Last night I had a dream that we were walking around our college campus. It was as if it were back to that lovey dovey phase when we first started dating and held hands all the time. But there was also the comfort between us of a couple that has been together a long time. As we walked, I snuggled up under his arm and felt so peaceful and right tucked in his warm embrace. There wasn't much to the dream, but the feeling was so real. When I woke up, I was so happy because the dream reminded me of happiness and love I feel when I am close to Pat. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be cuddled up with my love. I think I needed the reminder and am so thankful it came to me in the dream. I will carry those feelings from the dream with me as long as possible. While the dream was not real, my feelings of love and joy from the dream are very real in my relationship with Pat. While we cannot hold hands now, I know we will be back there soon.

One thing that is making it mentally hard for me during the deployment is trying to hold onto the memories like the one I mentioned in the dream without forgetting the reality in which we live. I have those memories and truly cherish them, but they feel so far away. I'm sure if you read my blog before Pat left you could realize that he was not around too much in the year leading up to his deployment. His work schedule took him from the early morning before we were wake until the end of the evening after the kids had already gone to bed. If Pat got home before I went to bed, we probably just snuggled on the couch and watched a TV show. I would love to be able to do that now, but I am also hopeful for more family time to live and enjoy our lives when he returns. I cannot picture what our life will be like when he returns. I like to think it will be all love and butterflies, but I sometimes fear that I am living in a delusion. I just hope that we can cherish each moment and enjoy all the time we have when he finally returns to our family. Even if he ends up with the same ridiculous work schedule as before, I think it will be so important to remember to treat the moments we do have together in the lovey dovey fashion that was in my dream.

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