A Great Pair of Jeans and Some Shopping

Today I decided to take the boys shopping for some fall clothes. We had a few things we needed to exchange, and I wanted to pick up a few more items for their fall/winter wardrobes. Both boys have been fighting off a cold and sleeping terribly. I didn't want to spend all day at home with cranky kids, so a quick trip to Nashville was just what we needed.

Before we left I decided to put on a new pair of jeans that I recently bought. I have two pairs of jeans that I absolutely love. I got them during Pat's first deployment 4 or 5 years ago. I have never had jeans that I loved so much or fit so well. I can finally fit into them again, but I'm left with a bit of a muffin top that I'm just not comfortable with. Recently I found a pair of these jeans on sale online for half the regular price. I took a chance and ordered. They are perfect. Same great jeans, no muffin top. I finally felt like a normal woman today for the first time in a long time. I haven't been putting in much effort lately, but today it felt so good to be put together. I was tempted to buy a second pair of the jeans, but since they only have one style on sale, I figured two pairs of the exact same pants (style and wash) would be a little much, right?

We bought so many cute and comfortable (comfort is a priority) clothes for the boys. While I look forward to them wearing all the new clothes, I wish Pat could see them looking so cute. I guess pictures will work, but it's not the same.

Today we also went to buy Ryan new shoes. At first I picked out a regular sneaker with laces. They didn't have any more in his size, and there were no other sneakers with laces in his size. Since I don't get to these stores in the city often, I didn't want to leave empty handed. I asked Ryan if he liked any and he pointed out a black and blue sneaker with Velcro. They were not something that Pat or I would normally pick out, but he wanted it. So we tried it on and he loved it. I bought him his new shoes, and he wanted to wear them out of the store. He was so proud of his new shoes. He tells me he likes his "blue shoes", and he didn't want to take them off all day long. He put them in his room when he took his nap and put them right back on after the nap. At the end of the day I had to persuade him that it was time to get ready to bed and the shoes had to come off. I have to say his excitement over these new shoes makes me think they are the coolest shoes ever, and he is such a cute boy in them.

Overall it was a great day. Unfortunately Ryan looked miserable with his cold this evening. There were tears running down his cheeks because his eyes are so watery with congestion. I think tomorrow will be his first sick day from preschool. Maybe we'll relax with a movie and hope we get a special phone call.

Everyone LOVES a Sale!

I am so excited. I just saw that the clearance rack has been updated. There is some awesome card stock, embellishments, ribbon, designer series 12x12 paper, and so much more. If you have any interest in paper crafting, I highly recommend you look at everything on the clearance rack.

Just click on my website (link in my sidebar), go to the shop now section, then on the right hand side click on clearance rack. I'm going to go stock up on some stuff myself right now. Go check it out before it is all gone!

Coffee

I just wrote a post on my Stampin' Up! blog (you can find it over HERE) about how much I love the Morning Cup stamp set (item number 116988 $21.95) and Take a Sip stampin' around wheel (item number 120323 $6.50) Since you can read all about my ideas for the different uses of it on the other blog, I just wanted show you a card over here.

Primetime: What Would You Do?

Have you ever watched the show "Primetime: What Would You Do?"

They stage some outrageous situations to see who will speak up and say something/do something when they see something wrong and who just ignores the behaviors they witness.

I love the show, but sometimes it make me so sad to watch the people who do not speak up or even worse when they agree with the injustice they see occurring.

I had another post in mind, but I cannot take my eyes off the TV to write it. I highly suggest you watch this show sometime though.

Baths and Books about Deployments

Last night Sean took his first bath like a big boy in the tub. I am sure you are wondering how my 10.5 month old was bathing prior to this. When Sean was a little baby, we found it easiest to bath the boys together in our large soaking tub, but since that tub is so large, I would get in the tub with the boys. So I've been having to get in the tub every time I bath the boys for the past 10 months. Last night I decided to move the boys to the regular tub and bath just the two of them. It was a lot easier for me not having to get in the tub, and the boys seemed to really enjoy it. They are so cute playing together these days, but they are growing up too fast.

I'm currently reading a book, and I don't really like it. There are things about it that annoy me. It is a book about a woman going through her first deployment. I imagine I would like it more if I were preparing for deployment the first time, or if this were our first deployment that we are going through now. But as a seasoned military wife on our third deployment, I just am not all that interested in the woe is me and complaints I am reading in the book. Deployments suck, but they are part of the military wife life. I try not to dwell on the deployment, but rather just move through it. I just don't think I'm going to enjoy reading this book right now, but I hate to quit reading books once I start. Should I continue reading it to finish it, or just hide it and move on to better books?

Consistency

I realize that I am not blogging with any consistency, and I do apologize. I guess I just cannot think of much to write these days. By the time I have the kids in bed, the only thing on my mind is how my kitchen (and maybe other rooms too) is a pigsty. Yet, each night I just cannot find the energy to clean it. When I do finally get it clean, it only takes one day for it to return to it's cluttered and dirty state. No one wants to read anymore details on that than I have just written.

Our days are staying quite busy with Ryan having school twice a week. I feel like the days he doesn't have school are spent recouping from being hectic on the school days. The three hours that Ryan is in school does not provide me much rest or even time to get errands done. I'm trying to maintain Sean's schedule as best as I can, and that includes a morning nap. The car ride home from dropping Ryan off at school is a race between the car getting home and Sean's eyelids falling. When we arrive home, I've usually been able to get Sean down for a nap. During his nap, I can fit in a little cleaning, work, or a workout in the house. Sean wakes up giving us some time to play just the two of us before we have to go get Ryan. I can usually run a quick errand, like mailing Pat a package, before getting Ryan. After we pick Ryan up, it is back to the house for lunch and then his nap. I didn't expect that I would find running errands easier when Ryan doesn't have school and I have both boys with me, but working with their schedules that is what is working best. So most of my days are spent trying to work around the boys schedules, but I don't mind. I like giving them consistency at least.

Today we had some fun playing on the deck. The boys were enjoying chewing on some t-balls. Sean is chewing on anything he can get his hands on, and sometimes Ryan copies what Sean does. Here are photos from this afternoon:

Sean thought Ryan's ball looked better than his.

So he tried to steal it.
But then he realized his was just as good.
It's funny the things they enjoy.
Such a silly boy.
He loves watching his big brother.
And he's all smiles.
He's a cutie.
My little men :)

Photo from First Day of School

A little late but here is a photo of Ryan on his first day of school.

Dreaming of What I Miss

I've been thinking a lot lately about the stuff I miss while Pat is gone. Last night I had a dream that we were walking around our college campus. It was as if it were back to that lovey dovey phase when we first started dating and held hands all the time. But there was also the comfort between us of a couple that has been together a long time. As we walked, I snuggled up under his arm and felt so peaceful and right tucked in his warm embrace. There wasn't much to the dream, but the feeling was so real. When I woke up, I was so happy because the dream reminded me of happiness and love I feel when I am close to Pat. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be cuddled up with my love. I think I needed the reminder and am so thankful it came to me in the dream. I will carry those feelings from the dream with me as long as possible. While the dream was not real, my feelings of love and joy from the dream are very real in my relationship with Pat. While we cannot hold hands now, I know we will be back there soon.

One thing that is making it mentally hard for me during the deployment is trying to hold onto the memories like the one I mentioned in the dream without forgetting the reality in which we live. I have those memories and truly cherish them, but they feel so far away. I'm sure if you read my blog before Pat left you could realize that he was not around too much in the year leading up to his deployment. His work schedule took him from the early morning before we were wake until the end of the evening after the kids had already gone to bed. If Pat got home before I went to bed, we probably just snuggled on the couch and watched a TV show. I would love to be able to do that now, but I am also hopeful for more family time to live and enjoy our lives when he returns. I cannot picture what our life will be like when he returns. I like to think it will be all love and butterflies, but I sometimes fear that I am living in a delusion. I just hope that we can cherish each moment and enjoy all the time we have when he finally returns to our family. Even if he ends up with the same ridiculous work schedule as before, I think it will be so important to remember to treat the moments we do have together in the lovey dovey fashion that was in my dream.

Christmas Cards

I've started making our Christmas cards. It's been a lot of fun, I'm happy with the end results, and it is getting me excited about the Holiday Mini Catalog Stampin' Up! is releasing September 1st.

I've updated the blog on my Stampin' Up! website with some photos of these Christmas cards.

To go to my Stampin' Blog click HERE! and look for the link to my blog in the header.

The 2nd Day of School

I hadn't thought about it, but for a lot of the kids at Ryan's school the second day of school proved harder than the first. It seems the first day they didn't know what was happening, but by the drop off on the second day they understood and were protesting. As we waited in line to bring Ryan to his classroom the school was ringing with screams and cries. There is one little girl from his class that has been having a major tantrum all three times we've been to the school now. We can see that little girl having her fit down the end of the hall, another mother brings her screaming little girl into the line behind us, and as the woman a head of us gets to the teacher her child begins screaming and wailing as her mother runs out of the school. After all that, it is my turn to send Ryan into the class. He asks for my hand and seems a little nervous. We say hello to the teacher and give her his bag. Ryan walks right into the classroom and never looked back. I did look back and was so proud of what I saw. All the other kids were either crying for their parent or running around to play with all the toys. But Ryan sat alone at a table very quietly playing with a puzzle waiting for school to begin. I am beyond happy that he likes school so much. I already feel somewhat bad that he's away from me two mornings, I do not know if I could handle it if he didn't like it. I think this is going to be a great experience for my little boy, and I'm really glad we made the decision to send him to school.

Below is a photo of the caterpillar that Ryan made at his second day of school.

First Day of Preschool

Today I dropped Ryan off for his first day of preschool. I had promised myself that I wouldn't be sad about it. After all, Ryan is still really young. It isn't like he has to go to school. I am choosing to send him to school. But I also want to make it clear, I am not one of those parents that sends the child to school just to have a break. If Pat were not deployed, I'm not sure I would be sending Ryan to school this young. However, I learned during the last deployment that it is so important for Ryan to interact with people other than me. Since we don't have many friends and our family is very far away, preschool was a good choice to allow him interaction and play with kids his own age.

Last night as I lay in bed, there was a bit of dread in me about leaving my little boy at school. Ryan has gone to the hourly daycare on post a few times when I've had appointments or meetings, but that is it. He's never even had a babysitter. I've left him with my family to run errands when they are out visiting, but that is about it. I hate the idea of having him away from me for 3 hours twice a week all school year. I know it is what is best for him, but it just doesn't feel right to have him not with me.

So I took pictures before we left, (I haven't uploaded them yet though.) and dropped him off. He seemed fine. I was a little sad, but kept it in check. I know this is a good thing for him. I just really hope they speak to us to let us know how our kids did when I pick him up. Sean went down for his nap when we got home, so I actually got a chance to do a yoga dvd. It would have been nice if I hadn't pulled a muscle in my neck somehow while dropping Ryan off. If Sean wakes up in time I want to run to target to get a new toy for my big boy for when he gets home from school.

I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. While I want to keep my boys little forever, I'm enjoying every moment as they grow.

Month 2 Review, Deployment 3

So we're are officially 2 months down for this deployment. I will say time is moving pretty fast which is probably due in part to the fact that we are staying so busy. Here is a very quick rundown of my deployment goal progress:

Reading: I finished "Water For Elephants" this month. I liked it a lot. It gave a great description that really made me feel like I was there as I was reading it. While I was reading it, I had a hard time putting it down. However, once I had put it down, I didn't feel the need to go back to it. The story isn't a page turner so much as a real glimpse into an interesting world. I liked what I read, but I didn't feel an urgency to finish it. I do recommend it though, it was a fun and easy read.

Get fit: I'm now down a total of 7lbs for the deployment. I would still like to lose 13 more. I struggled with it this month. I still have an enormous appetite, which is hard to control. As the weather cools down, I'm hoping to get more walks in to help kick up my getting fit progress.

Cards: I've ordered my supplies to make my Christmas cards. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be selling it, since I'm just too busy to devote much time to that, but for right now I'm happy. There are only a few more items that I would like to buy for myself and then I should have everything I could ever need.

FRG: After our recent casualties, things got absolutely crazy as I mentioned before. I feel like I've helped some families, which is really important to me. We have a pizza party meeting scheduled for later this month. I'm really happy with the progress I've made in making myself a better leader and reaching out to help spouses.

So that was month 2 in a nut shell. Today Ryan has a meet and greet at his new preschool. His first real day of school is tomorrow. I cannot believe he'll be going to "school". I'll post more about that tomorrow I'm sure.

10 Months Old

Today Sean is ten months old. I know, I can hardly believe it myself. I feel like I just brought him home with me last month. While I still consider him my little baby, he's growing up and changing so fast. He's sleeping in his crib like a champ now. If it weren't for remembering how hard those few nights of transition were, I would wonder why I hadn't moved him back there sooner. The other morning I went in to get Sean, and he was standing up in his crib so proud of himself. Needless to say I then promptly lowered the crib down to the lowest level. But Sean definitely is loving his ability to pull up to standing. I think that is one of the developmental phases that I hate for my kids. I hate it because while they can pull themselves up, they usually do not know how to sit back down, or even fall back down without hurting themselves. I hate when they fall, and this new ability makes it very difficult for me to even run out of the room for just a second. Sean has also graduated from the Army crawl to the big boy crawl. Both my boys preferred the Army crawl for a long time before starting the real crawl, but Sean is now doing the real one. Sean is eating finger foods at every meal, but he definitely has preferences and these sometimes change day to day. One food he absolutely LOVES though is ice cream. Yes, he's had ice cream. I never gave Ryan any sort of sweets this young, but some how Sean got me to feed him ice cream. I guess I am more lax with my second child than I was with my first. Ryan and Sean are playing together more and more each day. It is so cute to see them interact. Part of me cannot wait until Sean is walking to see him play with Ryan. Overall, Sean is still a very happy and easy baby. He has moments of fussiness, but in general, I am so lucky for his easy going temperament. I hate that Pat is missing all these amazing stages of the kids development. I am torn between wanting to freeze time to stop the children from growing up and wanting to speed time up so that Pat can return and we can enjoy being a family again. Since I can't do either, I'm just trying to document the boys through pictures and videos to share with Pat. We're taking it day by day and soon we'll be together again to see all the wonderful things our kids will do.

Superheroes

Right now I'm speechless, so I'll leave you with a cute picture of my boys. It is wordless Wednesday after all.

Missing Something That Is Still Here

Tonight as I went to bed, my heart was aching. Of course I desperately miss my husband, but tonight I felt like I missed my kids. I really wanted to go in and give them hugs and kisses and hold them, but I'm not crazy and wouldn't dare risk waking them up. With all the stress and chaos going on with Pat's unit, I've had to devote a lot of my time to handling those issues. In doing that, I haven't had time to play with and enjoy my kids. Today I practically had to ignore my kids to make sure everyone in our battery was called for the briefing that was scheduled for the last minute. I know that this one day, or even this one weekend won't really affect my boys. I just feel like they need so much love and attention, and since I'm the only one around to give it, it makes me feel very bad on days that I cannot give my all to them.

I know this is repetitive to my recent post about being crazy busy and having guilt. I know I should not feel guilty, but I do. I know that all I can do is try to devote tomorrow to the kids to make up for today. I know that I love them so much and hate feeling like I haven't had time for them.

Do you ever feel like you miss something even though it's still right with you but you've been too busy for it?

Communication/Miscommunication

Thank you everyone for the kind words of support. I did finally hear from him today. It has been a very crazy time period here. Our battalion has suffered some casualties. As FRG leader, I've been very busy and pretty stressed out. I knew Pat was safe. Communication from Soldiers in theater to wives back home was stirring up a lot of gossip though. Unfortunately my husband was not one of the ones to call home to fill me in. One of the hardest things for me is not having information, especially when I know it's all over the place. While I think facebook is a great way to stay in touch or reconnect with friends, it makes rumor control next to impossible during a deployment.

Adding to my frustration with Pat and his communication was the fact that his e-mails were taking DAYS for the internet to deliver. I was not aware of this problem and neither was he until we finally talked today. This miscommunication was very had because I would write to him needing support or an answer to a question and his reply would not address anything I wrote about. If we didn't figure this out, I would have started to think he didn't care about anything I wrote.

In this modern world communication can be a blessing and a curse. While Pat and I have had our issues with it, I am so thankful for being able to hear from him as often as I do. I cannot imagine what it would have been like in WWI when the method of communication was solely snail mail. (Especially since my letters to Pat keep getting lost in the mail.)

Super Annoyed

I really try not to complain and I know there are certain things that I shouldn't complain about. But I have to admit that I am super annoyed with my husband right now. (Please do not judge or flame me for this.) He has not been able to call me for several days. It has been REALLY bad over there for a while now. They have been on communication blackouts. However, when it was lifted he still didn't call. There is a lot that I need to talk to him about. I can see on facebook that everyone is hearing from their spouses and being informed on what is going on. I am a bit less than informed...even being the FRG leader. I have bits and pieces, but would love for Pat to fill in the blanks. So that alone does not make me too annoyed. It is the fact that finally yesterday afternoon I took the boys out to get Ice Cream (they are both fighting a cold--not fun). We went out at 4 p.m. I hadn't heard from Pat. 4:11 p.m. he finally calls the house phone, leaves a message that "he'll call again in a few days" and doesn't try my cell phone at all.

I was so freaking pissed. Why am I paying a large cell phone bill to have access 24/7 if he isn't going to use it? Apparently he doesn't realize that I carry that damn phone around with me everywhere. I sleep with it, eat with it, play out side with it, and I even tuck it in my cleavage when I don't have pockets and need to keep it close by.

I sent him an e-mail when I got home a bit yelling and asking why he didn't call my cell phone.

So last night instead of calling me when he woke up, he responds saying sorry he had to go back to work before calling my cell phone and he'll try to call me tonight, IF they are not on blackout again.

SERIOUSLY!!!!! Why can he not take 5 minutes to give me a freaking call now? I know with the nature of his job he DOES have access.

So now I wait....