10 Months!

My little boy is growing up so fast.  Today he's 10 months old. 

Negativity

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been feeling very negative, and I really do not want to share my self-pity party.  Nothing has really changed except for me being stuck in this crappy frame of mind.  I'm going to try to refrain from posting until I have a more positive outlook to share.  

However, as if it were an anniversary, I feel the need to mark each passing month.  Today we've hit 5 months done and are that much closer to being together again.  Pat has been gone for over half of Ryan's life now (plus gone tdy during the time he was home).  He's missed so many firsts with his son, and that makes me sad.  Recently Pat and I were talking about how when he left Ryan was a little baby that just needed to be held.  All he could do was roll over.  He's changed so much and become such a big boy.  It's been five months since Pat held his son and five long months since I held my husband's hand or shared a hug.  I'm proud that Ryan and I have come so far, but I look forward to being a family of 3 again.  I cannot wait for the new year and all the happiness it will bring.  

Now I'm off to watch the debate!       

I made it through.

I wasn't sure I would, but I made it through the day yesterday.  The night before I was up vomiting from 9 p.m.-5 a.m. and sleeping intermittently on the bathroom floor.  My fever was 100.6, and I'm not sure I've ever been that sick before.  Yesterday, while I was no longer getting sick, I felt miserable.  I was having trouble drinking anything and knew I was getting dehydrated.  I was so thankful though at what a good boy Ryan was.  Most of the day he played by himself which made it easy on me.  I felt bad because yesterday was the first day that I was really watching the clock counting down until his bedtime.  He went to sleep really well, and I slept for 12 hours last night, only getting up for a few nighttime feedings.  I can't blame him for waking up though, there probably couldn't be much milk when I have no fluids in me.  Even the dogs were very well behaved and slept like champs last night.  I couldn't have asked for Ryan or the dogs to be better for me yesterday.  I am lucky.

I'm feeling much better today, although there is still the remnants of illness sticking around.  My fever is gone and I'm able to drink much more today.    I feel like a complete moron though because tonight is supposed to be my first FRG meeting.  I called the Squadron Commander's wife to fill in for me.  I don't want to take the chance at getting anyone else sick, and I think Ryan and I still need a bit more rest.  I just feel like it looks irresponsible of me not to go.  I was going to have the opportunity to meet some great wives, and now it looks like I don't care.  I know they'll understand, but I just wish the timing had worked out better.  

I will say that yesterday was by far the most challenging day of the deployment so far.  I shed lots of tears (which I know I shouldn't have wasted the water crying, but I couldn't help it).  I am so lucky with a great bunch of dogs and such a wonderful little boy.  Thank you to the friends who called to check on me.  Pat also helped to console me.  I miss him so much.  Even though he couldn't be here,  hearing his voice made me feel better.  I cannot wait until he is home.  My poor family back home must get sick of my phone calls, but without them I couldn't survive.  I have so much support and am so grateful for all of it.  

crying

I've been up all night so far vomiting myself.  I think I've got what Ryan has.  I can't keep water down and I've entered the phase of dry heaving.  I wish my hubby were here....or even that I had a friend to bring me a bottle of gatorade.  I am miserable.  

Poor Ryan

Poor Ryan has had a hard weekend.  Thursday Ryan had his second daycare visit.  My meeting time was changed so he was only at the cdc for an hour and half.  He did very well though.  I'm so proud of him.  He smiles whenever I ask him if he played with the babies.  Friday we had an uneventful day.  Pat's parents flew in Friday night.  New people in our environment always throw Ryan for a loop because it changes our normal routine.  Saturday morning I had a briefing for the FRG.  Ryan stayed with Pat's parents and did pretty well again.  That morning, he wasn't very interested in his breakfast.  Then at lunch he didn't seem to like what I had made.  Dinner came and he didn't want to eat a thing.  After he finally ate a bit, I decided to give up trying.  On our way into the living room, the poor little guy vomited all over the place.  He was running a fever and just seemed so sad.  He didn't cry during the night, but there was a bit of moaning.  He woke up with the fever still, but seemed slightly better.  He was super clingy, but that is to be expected.  He didn't want anything to do with our guests, he just wanted his Mommy.  He took a good long nap and his fever had broken by the time he got up.  He ate a little lunch.  When we started to eat our lunch though Ryan vomited again all over the floor.  I feel so awful for my little guy.  Pat's parents left a little early so that Ryan and I could have some quiet time.  He took another nap and woke up without any fever.  He wasn't interested in dinner tonight.  I am not sure if we'll be going to the doctor in the morning; I guess we'll see how the night goes and how he seems when he wakes up.  I'm hoping this illness will be over in the morning.  Right now I am wishing Pat could be here so we could be a team again.  I feel so bad for our munchkin.         

September 11

Today is a very sad day for our nation as we remember a tragedy that affected each and every one of us.  We have proven that we are resilient.  We came together, rose up, and showed the world our courage.  We are a nation filled with many heroes.  

As September 11 is a day that we will never forget, there is something that some of us have forgotten about.  We hear so many reports on the progress and happenings in Iraq, but it is much less often that we hear about Afghanistan.  Our fight in Afghanistan has a direct tie to 9/11, and today is a very sad day there.  Today, 2008 has become the deadliest year in Afghanistan for our troops.  

2008 Deadliest Year in Afghanistan   

I ask that today as we all remember 9/11 and our loss, our courage, and the heroes that rose up, we also take a moment to realize we are still fighting the 9/11 battle and the sacrifices continue.  

When it's time to change you've got to rearrange....

There are quite a few changes I want to make in my life.  I think of little things that are new or different that I want to incorporate into my life.  Sometimes I forget about these things, and other times I just haven't got around to making the change.  Maybe if I post them in my blog when I think of them that will motivate me to actually do them. 

One of these new changes that I am going to try very hard to stick to is no more e-mail checking during the day.  I find that I'm checking for e-mails from Pat, doing FRG stuff, or just doing unimportant stuff on the internet too often during the day.  I'm okay doing it when Ryan is napping, but no more when he is awake.  I just want to devote as much time and attention to Ryan as I can.  

I have very high standards for myself as a mother.  When I do not live up to my expectations about being a great mom, I get very mad at myself.  My mother has had to remind me many times that I cannot be perfect.  I need to remember that that is true, but I also think there are some things I can do better.

I am a work in progress hoping to make some changes for the better.    

Little Things Getting Under My Skin

1.  Abbey is having more medical issues.  These ones are not related to the other ones I don't think.  I'll be calling the vet today about getting her seen.  

2.  E-mails with Pat annoy me.  Sometimes he just doesn't reply after he reads my e-mails which just frustrates me, but even worse is when he does reply and completely ignores all the questions I posed.  Why do I take time to write an e-mail and ask questions if he isn't going to answer?  It's like we are having a very long completely broken conversation during these 8.5 months.  He's driving me nuts in a way only he can.  

3.  I'm finding through the volunteer work that I'm doing that I have to chase down and nag people (who are getting paid to do their job) to get things done.  I'm really not finding the motivation when it seems like everyone around is making it more difficult.

4.  Two days ago I got the step ladder out to replace the light bulb in the light on the ceiling in the kitchen.  This morning I turn on the light, and the other bulb blows out.  To top that off, I don't have any 60w light bulbs here at home so it looks like I need to go shopping.  

I'm hoping I do not have to edit this post later to add more.  Hopefully tonight I'll post a better, more upbeat blog entry about how great things are.  We'll see ;)

***Okay I wanted to also update:  $140 later, Abbey has yeast infections in her ears.  She just can't catch a break and neither can our checkbook!  

I'm Boring

I'm pretty boring.  

The best part of my day was watching Ryan play with his Fed Ex box.  The pediatrician tells us at each appointment, "do not put your child in a walker, it isn't safe", but a little part of me has been wanting to have something to let Ryan get around.  I know I'd never forgive myself if he got hurt using it though, so I've refrained from buying one.  However, they never said not to let your child walk a box around the living room.  This box has been so great for him.  I cannot believe I'm praising a cardboard box, but I am.  (here is a video of Ryan the first morning with his box, and he's become so much more agile with it.)  

Mr. Spider has been back the past two nights.  (see post below)  He only comes out at night.  I do not like him.  Tonight he was trying furiously to recreate his web that had been partially knocked down.  He was really fast and it was almost cute how diligent he was about his work.  I said almost cute.  I did not want to see him anymore so I grabbed a dog toy and knocked him off the deck.  Hopefully he will not come back and that will be the end of that.  

So that was it.  My weekend was just hanging out around the house playing with Ryan and trying to keep the place marginally clean.  We didn't see anyone, but that isn't unusual.  This week Ryan will be going to daycare for the second time.  I'm still a bit anxious about that, but it will only be for me to attend a meeting, probably two hours at most.  My in laws are coming next weekend, so I need to clean for that.  I think this week will keep me pretty busy.  

So if you are still reading, I'm boring, huh?  

Yay for Ryan!

His teething issues are beginning to subside.  He slept through the night just like he was doing before.  Unfortunately the dogs can tell when it will be a good night, and then they don't cooperate.  I feel much better now that I'm getting decent sleep.  Maybe I'll be more productive now too.  

I'll write more later.  

Bad Wife

I'm a bad wife right now.  I haven't mailed a package to Pat in quite a while.  I have the next one ready to go, but didn't make it to the post office today for various reasons.  

I also joke that this is the deployment of holes in the wall.  I've already put 2 holes in the walls and he hasn't been gone 5 months yet.  They are hidden right now, but Pat will have some patch work to do when he returns.  I haven't had the best luck hanging things lately.  Today it was a shelf that caused me frustration and a decent void in the drywall.  Luckily my Dad has been able to lend some help when I call him for advice.  

My parents are currently on vacation in Florida.  They sent a Fed Ex box with some gifts for Ryan.  The empty Fed Ex box is definitely a great all purpose toy.  It works as drum, and he also uses it as a walker and pushes it around the living room.  It is so cute to watch something so ordinary create so much fun for him.  

I was right--his fifth tooth is cutting and his sixth doesn't look far behind.  Maybe after that he'll catch a break.  Poor little guy.    

Yummy Recipe!

Here is a recipe that I took and modified from Redbook. It turned out very well. Ryan and I just shared a piece, and we both liked it.

Chicken Spinach Lasagna Casserole

ingredients:

1 10 oz package frozen spinach, thawed and drained

2 cups cooked chicken, shredded

2 cups grated cheese (I used mozzarella and provolone, but the recipe called for cheddar)

1 Tbsp cornstarch

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1 Tbsp soy sauce

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 cup sour cream

1/3 cup mayonnaise

6 lasagna noodles, cooked (I think I used 8)

1 cup Parmesan cheese, grated

Preheat oven to 350.

In a large bowl combine spinach, chicken, 2 cups grated cheese, cornstarch, salt, pepper, soy sauce, soup, sour cream, and mayonnaise. Put a layer of noodles in the bottom of a greased lasagna pan. Spread half of the spinach mixture over noodles. Place another layer of noodles over the top and cover with the remaining spinach mixture. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. (Recipe says to top with pecans, but I didn't do this. Or I think a layer of bread crumbs would be nice too!) Bake for 1 hour.

You can make this recipe a bit more healthy by substituting low fat products for some ingredients.

So Early!

Why oh why won't my child sleep?  I don't know the answer to this question.  A few posts back I mentioned that he was waking up at 5 a.m.  He was cutting his front tooth, and things went back to normal after that happened.  That wasn't all that bad compared to what he's doing now.  Now he will not sleep through the night.  Wake up times are usually around 1 a.m. (although sometimes he just does this one at 10 p.m.) and then up for good at 4:00 a.m.  I am not starting my day at 4:00 a.m.  Sometimes he changes things up a little.  Today he slept till 5 a.m., but did wake up at 1:00 a.m too.  I'm getting exhausted.  Yesterday was a very cranky day for him too.  It seems like teething, but I don't think he has any more teeth coming in.  I've pushed his bed time back as far as he'll let me, and still no help.  I know this will change soon, but I don't want him forming a bad habit.  I'm crossing my fingers that things go back to normal as soon as possible.  

**Updated:  He may actually be getting the teeth beside his top front two.  We'll see.  If he is, I hope they come fast so that he'll sleep well soon.  

A separate topic:  One of my favorite things to talk about with Pat during deployments is future plans.  In some ways when he's gone my future is on hold.  It feels like the future is the common thread that we can both relate to.  I like to make plans even if they are far fetched and may not actually happen.  I think our planning for the future brings us closer and shows us what a great team we are.  I spend my evenings doing research and daydreaming, and it certainly helps me pass time.  No matter what the future brings, I look forward to it.    

Ryan and Sammy

Ryan and Sammy are friends, at least that is what Ryan thinks.  Sammy isn't so sure.  I was so glad to get this moment on video for Pat to see.  It totally made my day.  No matter how crappy my day seems to be, when he smiles I forget all of it and just enjoy being with him.  

(for the computer illiterate, click on the word *video* above)

Enough

Right now I feel like I've had enough.  I'm overtired and cranky.  My day started at 330 this morning between the dogs and Ryan.  I am exhausted and wish I could go back to bed.  

To top things off when I was out back what do I see?  Is it a bird or a plane?  Oh neither, just the largest, grossest spider I've ever seen before.  It's probably poisonous, although I really don't want to know.  It was big enough to eat Sammy.  It has since disappeared, but now I'm definitely afraid to go out back.  I hate it here.  

I Miss Oklahoma

I miss Oklahoma.  I'm sure some of you find that strange coming from me because I never really thought I liked Oklahoma that much.  Now that I'm not there anymore I realize how many things I really enjoyed and took for granted.  Don't get me wrong though, there are some definite improvements with our new post, specifically the shopping and dining.  It is also nice to have the city so much closer here.  Whenever I day dream my thoughts tend to lead back to my life in Oklahoma.  This could be because I was there so long and was used to life there, or maybe I really miss it.  I enjoyed the small town feel that I got there.  I miss the dog park that we went to every weekend.  I miss the three mile track.  I miss my neighborhood and my house.  I miss how close everything in town was compared to here.  I wish Ryan could go to the OKC zoo because Nashville zoo just doesn't compare.  I'm sure when Pat comes home and we start making memories here I'll move on and stop missing OK.  I'll find things here that one day I'll miss when we move again, but I think until then I'll be missing Oklahoma.