July 25, 2011

Thinking of Saying No

For the past few months, one of the activities I had been taking part in seems to be giving me more stress and strain than sense of accomplishment.  It's a volunteer position.  While I've never done it for the fun  (because it really isn't fun), I always thought it was an important role that needed someone committed to it.

The ironic part is that it is now something where I would be working along side my husband.  And yet, that is part of the problem.  I've done this job for years.  I've worked with many people.  I thought my husband and I would "knock it out of the park" working together.  But instead, we do not see eye to eye on it at all.  My husband is taking it very seriously, but he's running it his own way.  While running it his way isn't bad, he is not listening to my experiences or ideas.  I find that I don't agree with a lot of his decisions in this area.

I'm beginning to think it is time that I say no to this extra work which is causing strain.  I don't want to be part of something that I don't feel proud about.  But I don't want to let my husband down either.  We've talked about it a million times.  He'll support me either way, and to be honest, he won't really care if I step down because he is doing it all his own way anyway.  Part of me is sad though on losing something that once brought me a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, and there is a small part of me that feels like my husband has taken it away.

I thought about it all last night while laying with the kids.  I'm thinking that saying no, and closing that chapter may be the best thing.  It isn't bringing anything positive to my life, and I cannot let something like that come between me and my husband.  I have plenty of other tasks to keep me busy and feel accomplished doing.   Plus this will free up more time to spend with my family.  Even though I hate saying no to helping out, I'm slowly learning that sometimes saying no is okay.

Shelly

11 comments:

Erin said...

I think if its causing stress and strain, to a point where it brings nothing positive and is a stressor point in your marriage, then its not worth it. Its not like you are just blowing it off or taking it lightly.

Lisa said...

Saying no and stepping away from something are hard things to do. It's great that you're thinking through things and trying to make the best decision for you and your marriage. I also agree with what Erin said!

Alison said...

I agree, if it is coming between you and Pat or if you simply don't enjoy it, don't do it! I'm currently smack in the middle of a volunteer project that I am completely regretting signing up for. It has made me seriously consider how much I want to be involved in our future FRG....there are just so many other great/fun things to do with your time.

AnNaRicHiE said...

Nothing is more important than family! I learned a lot from the book Boundaries! And saying NO is not bad! we have to prioritize our family first.Do not feel bad.

The Fischer Family said...

Sometimes saying no is not a bad thing! And it sounds like you need to find something that is yours and yours only. Good luck!

lines n shades said...

wonderful blog.... glad to have stopped by :)

mygoalissimple.com said...

Do not have guilt over saying no. You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. If you're not well then your children and husband will be affected. Good luck!

Karen

Christina said...

Step down and let hubby have this one, it's not worth the fight. You know how guys are anyway, they think they know best how to run things so it can be hard to work with them.

Kim T. said...

If it's causing stress and he won't be upset, I would step down. You don't need the stress in your life or between you and your husband :)

Following you from the Military Monday Blog Hop!

Peanut Stitches said...

We have talked about this before, and I fully support this.

Bitchy Army Wife said...

While I don't think stepping down and not doing it anymore is a bad thing. I also think that your husband has to know that his way of doing things is causing you to not want to do something you once got a feeling of accomplishment from. The fact that he is running things his way with no listening to your input and no willingness to change that can come back to effect the both of you later. That small part of you that is upset that he is taking this away from you needs to be worked out before you quit that way it doesn't fester and grow bigger as time goes on.

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