Priorities and Shame

I am ashamed to admit this, but I've been a really bad mother lately. It was not intended, and I didn't really understand the problem until today. I knew things weren't working, and it was bothering me. The thing I didn't know was what I could do about it. My priorities got a little out of whack. My children have always been and will be my number 1 priority, but I had been giving some other things--namely the FRG, too much importance. As a result, my children were suffering.

Over the past few months, the FRG has become all consuming for me. I feel like it just doesn't end. I can deal with the emergency/really important situations that interrupt my normal days, but it was the other stuff that was really getting in the way. It was the constant e-mails with new contacts, questions, issues etc. The problem was really that in order to address all these e-mails I was constantly being pulled away from the boys. What started as an occasional interruption became a nonstop daily occurrence.

I am a stay at home mom, and cherish my time with the boys more than anything else. However, because of all the distractions I found that when I was with the boys, I really wasn't "with" the boys. I am so sad to admit that I wasted all that precious time with them, and that they suffered as a consequence of my mistake.

I only realized it today when talking to my sister about how bad I felt for the boys that I am constantly having to do FRG stuff and feel like I am barely able to play with them. I finally saw that the FRG stuff can be done after the kids are in bed. Sure people may have to wait a few extra hours for a response, but they know they can call if they really need me to address any issues. If I can't complete it all at night before I go to bed, then it is okay if it takes me an extra day. I've always liked to respond right away because it bothers me to think of the e-mails piling up, and I have trouble getting it off my mind. In the end though, I cannot be dealing with it all day long. My kids come first, and that is the way it should be.

Now the only question of priorities will be balancing tv/relax time, cleaning the house, and the FRG in my evening time.