April 29, 2008

How am I doing?

I'm not quite sure even I know the answer to this question.  Pat left this weekend.  I'm fine with dealing with the deployment; I know that drill already.  I am not so settled on being a single mom.  I can handle everything by myself, but honestly I'm terrified now that I am solely responsible for Ryan's development.  Am I doing everything I should be doing?  Am I enough fun for him?  Can I make him smile enough?  Is he going to be too attached to me?  Who is he going to socialize with since I don't know anyone?  All these questions keep running through my head.  
When Pat was here I really was spoiled.  He and I were able to do everything together.  I really liked it that way.  Now I go to sleep feeling like I want to cry over the fact that I'm scared I won't be a good mom for Ryan.  I can at least say that when Ryan wakes up in the morning and smiles at me, I feel like everything is going to be alright.  During the day the one thing that makes me forget my fears is seeing Ryan having fun.  
I know that this is mostly just a mental issue I need to get over, and hopefully I will in time.  So I guess  the answer to the question of how I'm doing is....I'm adjusting.  

1 comment:

Mroszczyk Family said...

I didn't know when Pat was leaving so I didn't want to call and invade your time...

Even though Joe is here right now, I am still constantly questioning myself in the same way. I think it is called being a mom. I know you, and I know that you read all of the books/magazines and you know exactly what you are supposed to do. But, that feeling of failure always sneaks in. The fact that you are worried about this shows that you are well-informed of what to do and you will never do anything to hurt Ryan's future. Go with the flow...you know how to do it. Half the time Porter is happier playing on his own which worries the heck out of me. But, that is his personality. We still fit in "our" time, but I am not teaching him things 24/7. But, I worry about it all the time. The truth is that we can't follow one perfect model. You know what I mean? We have to adjust according to our own family.

I will soon join you in this plight once Joe leaves, and I am counting on you to give me some wisdom!

Until then, we will need to plan the quick visit to your house in just a couple of weeks :)

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