March 28, 2011

Making Changes and Seeing the Beauty

Thank you all so much for the kind comments.  There is very little that works to lift my spirits these past few days, but knowing that you can relate and care means so much to me.

I'm getting kind of irritated at myself for this cranky mood.  I do not want to be a mean mother.  I do not want to be apathetic.  I do not want to be someone who lives half-heartedly.  I really want to kick myself in the butt and get back to feeling normal.

There is not much I can change around me right now.  I am a single parent for a while longer.  I have to do all the work alone.  I have commitments to help others, and I will see them to the end.  I am exhausted, but I will continue on.

However, there are some things that I CAN do which may help to make the time pass and hopefully ease my struggles.  This past year, being the sole care provider for 2 energetic little boys plus 3 dogs (not to mention all the other things I have taken on), I haven't kept a very clean house, and I am NOT ashamed of that.  But I know that I always feel better when things are clean and organized.  I've decided with this final month of deployment I want to do something each day to bring more order to the house around me.  While I don't think that will completely solve my crappy mood, I think cleaning will help me by letting me feel in control.
Today I took some extra time to mop the bathroom floors.  Granted, I broke my Swiffer mop on the second bathroom, but I pushed through on my hands and knees with the broken end of the mop.  And you know what?  It feels good to have clean floors.  Tomorrow will be the living room and laundry.  I'll update you on how this cleaning and organizing progresses during this last month of deployment.

The other thing that I have decided I must do is take more pictures.  I've owned a DSLR camera for a while now, but sadly, I don't take advantage of it like I should.  There are so many beautiful things and sights in our daily lives that I don't pay proper attention to.  Instead of just going about my days as I have been, I would  like to rejoice in these captured moments of pleasure.  I cannot say that I'll take a picture every day, but I want to take more pictures to capture those wonderful things around me.  This will challenge my creativity and hopefully help me improve my photography (which is only point and shoots skills).  I'm charging up my battery tonight, and maybe tomorrow I'll capture something worth sharing.

Hopefully, I won't give up on these two new focuses.  I'm hoping that because I'm sharing them with you that I'll stay committed.  I figure if I am accountable to you then I won't get lazy.

p.s.  only about 9% left on my donut of misery!!!  


Anonymous said...

1. Congratulations about only having 9% left! That is awesome news.

2. I can't wait to see what pictures you take with your DSLR. I have been wanting one for quite some time but waiting until things settle down a bit.

3. I 100% agree about not wanting to live life half-heartedly. 100% agree.

Mrs. Sergeant said...

Only 9% left is great news! I commend you for doing the mopping especially after the mop broke! That is awesome of you to do that! I'm glad that made you feel a bit better.
I am really excited to see the pictures you take with your DSLR, I'm horrible at taking pictures but I really want to get better at it.
I also want to purchase a DSLR, what kind do you have? Thank you for stopping by my blog the other day! It was nice to see you there. :-) I hope you visit again.
Mrs. Sergeant

Anonymous said...

I hope you get to feeling better too Michelle! You are such an awesome person. Hopefully the cleaning will help you feel better (I broke my swiffer mop recently too....piece of poo).

Christina said...

I was so glad to see this post. What a great uplifting message. You have inspired me. I do the same as you, with all the other responsibilities I kind of let the house slip. Although my kids all go to school so I don't have a great excuse. You know I really think it's just he whole deployment mentality. Not knowing what your husband is doing every minute is so hard. I am glad you only have a month to go and I look forward to that myself. I am going to do just as you do and give the house a good cleaning starting one month before he returns. You know the kids could care less anyway so why get crazy all year. Just take care of yourself. It's hard to be a single mom temporarily but it shows us what that might be like for mom's who are single all the time. I also think it shows the kids just how strong women can be. If anything this is a good thing. I can't wait to hear all about how the house cleaning and organizing are going and I can't wait for some pictures to be posted. Know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.

Jessica said...

I think you have some great goals lady. I am working on the house cleaning myself...started on Saturday and I still have not finished...oh will get there eventually ;)

Peanut Stitches said...

Hire a maid for one day. Seriously Shelly. Splurge! You know you want to! No one needs to know!!

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