I'm getting kind of irritated at myself for this cranky mood. I do not want to be a mean mother. I do not want to be apathetic. I do not want to be someone who lives half-heartedly. I really want to kick myself in the butt and get back to feeling normal.
There is not much I can change around me right now. I am a single parent for a while longer. I have to do all the work alone. I have commitments to help others, and I will see them to the end. I am exhausted, but I will continue on.
However, there are some things that I CAN do which may help to make the time pass and hopefully ease my struggles. This past year, being the sole care provider for 2 energetic little boys plus 3 dogs (not to mention all the other things I have taken on), I haven't kept a very clean house, and I am NOT ashamed of that. But I know that I always feel better when things are clean and organized. I've decided with this final month of deployment I want to do something each day to bring more order to the house around me. While I don't think that will completely solve my crappy mood, I think cleaning will help me by letting me feel in control.
Today I took some extra time to mop the bathroom floors. Granted, I broke my Swiffer mop on the second bathroom, but I pushed through on my hands and knees with the broken end of the mop. And you know what? It feels good to have clean floors. Tomorrow will be the living room and laundry. I'll update you on how this cleaning and organizing progresses during this last month of deployment.
The other thing that I have decided I must do is take more pictures. I've owned a DSLR camera for a while now, but sadly, I don't take advantage of it like I should. There are so many beautiful things and sights in our daily lives that I don't pay proper attention to. Instead of just going about my days as I have been, I would like to rejoice in these captured moments of pleasure. I cannot say that I'll take a picture every day, but I want to take more pictures to capture those wonderful things around me. This will challenge my creativity and hopefully help me improve my photography (which is only point and shoots skills). I'm charging up my battery tonight, and maybe tomorrow I'll capture something worth sharing.
Hopefully, I won't give up on these two new focuses. I'm hoping that because I'm sharing them with you that I'll stay committed. I figure if I am accountable to you then I won't get lazy.
p.s. only about 9% left on my donut of misery!!!