I know I've been complaining quite often. I sound like such a downer. But with this most recent blow, I feel overwhelmed with emotions with no place to release them. So thus, I'm coming to my space to release my pain.
I'm having a hard time getting over the change in our plans. I think this is mostly because I haven't been happy with certain aspects (although they are kind of large aspects) of our life for quite a while. I have not made it a secret that I do not really like where we currently live. I have tried to make the best of it and complain as little as possible. I knew it wouldn't change until Command was done. I had survived 4 years here (and two deployments). Not only was there a light at the end of this tunnel, but it was more than just getting to some place new. We were getting to a dream location. We would have been 1 hour from our families. We would have been near friends. Pat would have had his perfect job. Everything was in place.
I'm finding it so hard to put that smile back on my face for another year here. I know being unhappy isn't the way to live, but so many things here lead us to feel that way. Neither of us is happy with the way things currently are. We had so many plans that we've had on hold for so long waiting for this move that are now not only delayed a year+, but our options are not going to be anywhere near ideal like they were this time. I know we need to make some changes, and we are planning on big ones. But again, we must wait so long.
It's just that everyday I face a reminder that we are not moving forward. There were so many things I thought I'd be doing at our new home and new location. I thought this would be our last Christmas here. I thought we'd be able to celebrate with family next year. I thought the kids would get to start a new school. I thought we'd be decorating and painting the boys bedroom and making a nursery. I can still do some of that, but not how I wanted knowing we'll be putting the house on the market.
So that is where I'm at. We're traveling home to spend this holiday with family. We were also planning to look at houses and meet Pat's new boss. Some of that is cancelled. I'm just going to try to enjoy the time with my loved ones and forget about what we're going to miss....at least for now.