In Need of a Good Cry

First I want to thank all of you for the prayers for my friend, her husband, and family. Her husband is still in critical but stable condition. If all goes well, he should be returning to Walter Reed tomorrow, and my friend will be there by his side. I still ask for continued prayers for them, but this is about all I'm going to say about it for now because they are entering a very personal journey at this point. I will try to update you in the future though.

I consider myself a strong person, but in some ways this deployment is getting to me. I know that I am in need of a good cry--the gasping for breath, blubbering, snot faced type of cry. But something has been stopping me. Most of the stress and sadness for me has been that of other people. I grieve for them, but I feel that it isn't appropriate for me to cry over their hardships and nightmares come true. I want nothing more than to help them and fix everything for them. Unfortunately, in most situations I can do neither. The most I can do is to be there for them as a friend. My eyes well up a lot recently and stray tears fall, but I stop myself from a real cry. My heart aches for my friends and acquaintances, but I do not feel that I deserve to cry. I stand among such amazing spouses. Those that have been affected by tragedy have been so incredibly strong. How can I break down and cry, when they are being so brave.

I know that one day I will have to give in to the tears. However, I am not sure it will happen until this deployment is over. One day when Pat is home, I may let those tears loose. Until then though, I feel it is my duty to be strong and help support my courageous peers.

I know some of you would want to comment that I should let it out, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just don't feel like I can yet.