April 29, 2010

End of My Rope

Lately I've been at the end of my rope. This isn't something I'm proud of, and it totally goes against the theme of my blog and my goal as a mother, which is patience. There have been many factors contributing to me feeling this way.

Pat's upcoming deployment is definitely starting to affect us and our family time. I could say that it is having no effect on me yet, but I'm not sure that is the truth. I will not place this issue solely on others so I say it is affecting us. However, something I can say with certainty because I've experienced it before is that Pat definitely starts to withdraw before the deployment. Sometimes (or actually most times) it is like he's already gone. There are times he absolutely ignores all of us on the weekends. I'll be making Ryan lunch, putting away groceries, and trying to feed Sean, all the while Pat will be sitting on the couch watching TV. I've tried to talk about this and I've certainly yelled about it, but you have to understand that Pat doesn't mean to be reacting like this. It is more of a subconscious reaction and therefore hard to change. We are both trying to be more aware of this and communicate better. This is a typical situation in military families dealing with deployment, but it does wear you down.

Something else that is not helping is that Pat regularly works past dinner time straight up until bedtime. Because Pat is so rarely home, I am usually the only one that does everything for the kids. As a result, the kids only want me to help them out. In the past 6 months, Pat has only put Ryan down to bed/nap ONE time. I'm not complaining about this, because I understand. I mean we could have him do it, but Ryan will pitch a fit and sob if I am not the one reading him his books for bedtime. I think this lifestyle can be very hard on the kids. Already doing everything and always being alone added to knowing that I will soon have a year where that is the only choice is definitely making it hard to cope.

Add all that to the fact that Sean is teething (I think that is the problem), has a touch of congestion, and is completely not sleeping. And I have a two year old that can test the limits every chance he gets. Wow, it can be completely exhausting, and with Sean not sleeping I get absolutely no me time.

After telling Pat exactly how I am feeling and explaining that I need him around to give me a break in the few weeks that he still can, he promised to come home from work early. Yes, around here coming home for work early means leaving the office at 5:30 p.m. I am so thankful that he did it for me last night. I have to say though that it is crazy that in his unit they make you feel guilty for going home at 5:30 as if you were only working half a day.

I know this has sounded like complaining so far, but really it was only meant to be an explanation of how someone can get to the end of their rope.

So I wanted to change the tone right here and tell you a bit about how I relax when I get the time. My card making can completely change my mood and relax me. I need a creative outlet to feel like I have accomplished something. I am so thankful that I found this hobby. (and remember I just recently found it) This is something I really love doing, so I hope you enjoy seeing what I make.

Here are a few recent projects:
This is a coaster I made with my military stamp. I am pretty happy with how it turned out.
These next two are cards I made with my most recently bought stamp set.
If you think that stamping or making cards may be a hobby for you, click on my website and look around. I am giving away a free gift to the next two orders I receive on my website. There is something for everyone there, like a Sock Monkey stamp set, lots of birthday sets to make homemade cards, or sets just because.

Whatever your hobby is, I hope you get some time to relax and enjoy creativity.


The Fischer Family said...

Oh Shelly! I'm so sorry that things are so crazy right now. I know we've all had those "end of our rope" days, myself very recently. And I'm glad that when you said something to your husband that he came home early to give you some "me time". It is so very important to get...especially for stay at home moms! Your cards are beautiful! I make cards with my cricuit and love them! It's sooo fun! Post some more when you get a chance..I'd love to see them!
Hugs from KY

Dawn said...

Yes some days motherhood isn't everything we think it should be.Don't be so hard on yourself, we all have bad days or days we aren't proud of. I can tell you are a very good mom by the conversations we have had.
Military life is a tough one to live and only people that have done it or are living it understand. I hope you find some support, or a babysitter to give you a break. Let me tell you we all need it and there is nothing wrong with that at all.
Hang in there sweetie and keep talking and sharing it helps!

Kathryn said...

Stopping by from the blog hop, have a great day! :)

Denise said...

Your coaster with the military stamp is Fabulous! I love it!

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