Missing Something That Is Still Here

Tonight as I went to bed, my heart was aching. Of course I desperately miss my husband, but tonight I felt like I missed my kids. I really wanted to go in and give them hugs and kisses and hold them, but I'm not crazy and wouldn't dare risk waking them up. With all the stress and chaos going on with Pat's unit, I've had to devote a lot of my time to handling those issues. In doing that, I haven't had time to play with and enjoy my kids. Today I practically had to ignore my kids to make sure everyone in our battery was called for the briefing that was scheduled for the last minute. I know that this one day, or even this one weekend won't really affect my boys. I just feel like they need so much love and attention, and since I'm the only one around to give it, it makes me feel very bad on days that I cannot give my all to them.

I know this is repetitive to my recent post about being crazy busy and having guilt. I know I should not feel guilty, but I do. I know that all I can do is try to devote tomorrow to the kids to make up for today. I know that I love them so much and hate feeling like I haven't had time for them.

Do you ever feel like you miss something even though it's still right with you but you've been too busy for it?

Communication/Miscommunication

Thank you everyone for the kind words of support. I did finally hear from him today. It has been a very crazy time period here. Our battalion has suffered some casualties. As FRG leader, I've been very busy and pretty stressed out. I knew Pat was safe. Communication from Soldiers in theater to wives back home was stirring up a lot of gossip though. Unfortunately my husband was not one of the ones to call home to fill me in. One of the hardest things for me is not having information, especially when I know it's all over the place. While I think facebook is a great way to stay in touch or reconnect with friends, it makes rumor control next to impossible during a deployment.

Adding to my frustration with Pat and his communication was the fact that his e-mails were taking DAYS for the internet to deliver. I was not aware of this problem and neither was he until we finally talked today. This miscommunication was very had because I would write to him needing support or an answer to a question and his reply would not address anything I wrote about. If we didn't figure this out, I would have started to think he didn't care about anything I wrote.

In this modern world communication can be a blessing and a curse. While Pat and I have had our issues with it, I am so thankful for being able to hear from him as often as I do. I cannot imagine what it would have been like in WWI when the method of communication was solely snail mail. (Especially since my letters to Pat keep getting lost in the mail.)

Super Annoyed

I really try not to complain and I know there are certain things that I shouldn't complain about. But I have to admit that I am super annoyed with my husband right now. (Please do not judge or flame me for this.) He has not been able to call me for several days. It has been REALLY bad over there for a while now. They have been on communication blackouts. However, when it was lifted he still didn't call. There is a lot that I need to talk to him about. I can see on facebook that everyone is hearing from their spouses and being informed on what is going on. I am a bit less than informed...even being the FRG leader. I have bits and pieces, but would love for Pat to fill in the blanks. So that alone does not make me too annoyed. It is the fact that finally yesterday afternoon I took the boys out to get Ice Cream (they are both fighting a cold--not fun). We went out at 4 p.m. I hadn't heard from Pat. 4:11 p.m. he finally calls the house phone, leaves a message that "he'll call again in a few days" and doesn't try my cell phone at all.

I was so freaking pissed. Why am I paying a large cell phone bill to have access 24/7 if he isn't going to use it? Apparently he doesn't realize that I carry that damn phone around with me everywhere. I sleep with it, eat with it, play out side with it, and I even tuck it in my cleavage when I don't have pockets and need to keep it close by.

I sent him an e-mail when I got home a bit yelling and asking why he didn't call my cell phone.

So last night instead of calling me when he woke up, he responds saying sorry he had to go back to work before calling my cell phone and he'll try to call me tonight, IF they are not on blackout again.

SERIOUSLY!!!!! Why can he not take 5 minutes to give me a freaking call now? I know with the nature of his job he DOES have access.

So now I wait....