Lately I've felt really tested as a mother. Some days the kids have a bad day, and other times I'm having a bad day. However, lately Ryan is in a phase where he is testing me constantly. It's hard to describe because it's not completely unusual for Ryan to test us, but the way he's doing it now is out of control. If we didn't know better, we'd be wondering if Ryan has a hearing problem. His hearing has been tested, and we know he's hearing us. The problem is he is NOT listening. We speak and he completely ignores us.
What I hate the most about this whole phase/situation is that I'm constantly arguing, yelling, and battling with my child. It makes me feel terrible as a mother and for my son even though I know I'm yelling for a reason.
I've been thinking about what could be causing this, and to be honest I have no idea. The out of control-lack of listening is happening daily no matter what else is going on. He does have really good moments where he's behaving like a good boy, but then there are the demon moments when things are out of hand.
I'm feeling frustrated and like a failure when we're in the midst of the chaos. I've felt on the verge of tears multiple times in the past few days. I find the discipline part of being a mom so hard because all I want to do is love on my children, but I also know that through discipline I am teaching them because I love them.
I hope that Ryan will try to listen more, and that I will find more wisdom to guide him in the right direction. I just want to move past this phase as fast as possible.