With any quiet time I find these days, I'm realizing how certain parts of my life are like necklaces tossed into a jewelry box that get knotted and tangled. They are completely different necklaces that you would want to wear separately, but because they were tossed in the box they are affecting each other. It's funny to think about how much completely different aspects of life can impact other parts. (Does that even make any sense? It does in my head, but I'm not sure it's coming out right.)
One thing that has been on my mind lately is how people are always chiming in on how others raise their children. I feel pressured to fit into molds. I keep hearing my kids have to do this, have to know that, must be able to do such and such by a certain age. Who makes up these rules? Why do we have to follow them? Lately I've felt a lot of people imposing their standards onto my children, especially Ryan. And being that Ryan is my first child, I feel like I succumb to the pressures of what to do/not to do.
It's a hard place to navigate. You don't want to ignore what people say for fear that you may be missing something, but if you blindly listen to everyone, you may not hear your own mommy voice calling out what you need to hear. I know as a parent we know our children best, but how do we know when to push our children vs. when to say mind your own business to other people.
Sometimes with all this I begin to feel like a failure. I feel like I'm lost and confused. I want to feel like I know exactly what I'm doing and what needs to be done. Maybe that's wishful thinking about parenting though. I don't know. I think I've just lost my confidence lately.