4 Years!

Happy Birthday Ryan!!!!

4 years ago today Daddy and I headed to the hospital to bring you into this world.  We were excited and a little bit scared, but we felt so ready to meet you.  From day one you were overflowing with personality.  When you came into my world, I finally knew what I was supposed to be doing with my life.  You have made every day joyful.  You bring so many smiles into this world.  You are funny, smart, and caring.  You love to pretend and have quite an imagination.  Any words I could write about you here just won't do you justice.  You are one of a kind, buddy!

Everyday I know how lucky I am to be your mommy.  I hope you have a GREAT 4th birthday.  We love you with all our hearts.  Please stop growing up so fast big boy ;)

Love, Mommy

Black Friday Birthday.

I find it rather appropriate that my 30th birthday falls on a day referred to as Black Friday.  I haven't quite been looking forward to saying goodbye to the 20s.  I'm no longer a 20-something.  I feel like that makes me old (well, at least in the blogging world it seems to ;)

I could now tell you about my past 30 years, but the only things I need to say are that I've learned so much, figured out who I am, and know a bit more about who I want to be.  I've made mistakes, but overall, I'm pretty happy with where I am as I enter 30.  So instead of looking back, I'm looking forward to these 30-something years.  I have a few goals in mind.

Here's what I want during my 30's:

*I want to get my body into the best shape of it's life.  Sure it would be nice to look good, but really I want to do this one to FEEL good.  I want to feel the strength that I know my body has.  I want to be fit.  And I want to enjoy what it can do.

*I want to spend more time on things for me.  I devote myself 100% to my family.  That won't change, but I do want to put a little more time into passions for myself.  Maybe working out like I said above, or knitting, decorating cakes, crafting, or whatever.  It doesn't have to be just one thing; I can enjoy lots of them and I hope I do.

*A goal that Pat and I are trying to work toward is planting roots closer to family.  This one is so important to me.  To know that I'm 30 and not there yet makes me feel a little sad, but we're working on our plans.  We have to do it right to ensure stability for our family.  So fingers crossed and prayers said, maybe we'll get our dream to come true with this one.

*Since my 30s is a long time, this one is for my mid-late thirties--find something I can do to make money for our family.  I save it for my mid-late thirties so that the kids will be in school by then and I'll have time.  Being a mom is my number one priority.  I have some ideas of avenues I'd like pursue, but only time will tell.

*And most of all to enjoy my kids and husband and never take a day with them for granted.

So there you have it.  My plans for the next 10 years.  I'm pretty sure that this will be one of the only posts for a while that I mention my age...at least until I get used to this new number :)

I hope you all enjoyed thanksgiving.  Happy Black Friday Birthday to me.

Christmas Plans

When Pat and I got married, I knew we'd be moving far away from family.  This wasn't exactly the kind of life I had dreamed of as a little girl, but Pat made it worth it.  While we did travel home sometimes for the holidays during our newlywed years, I knew it wasn't going to continue like that.  I wanted to have my own family celebrations and traditions.  My ideal would be living in easy driving distance so that we could celebrate at our home and then travel to be with family too.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that from TN.

So what are we doing this year?

We're traveling to see family.  Shortly after Christmas we'll be putting our house on the market and by the spring (fingers crossed) moving elsewhere.  I guess because this will just be a home in our memories soon, I don't feel the need to stay here this year.

I'm really excited to spend time with my family.  I am looking forward to seeing the boys on Christmas morning at Grammy and Grumps' house.  It is really special to me because the boys will get to experience a Christmas just like the ones I had for so many years.

And I'm hoping for a white Christmas, but it just can't interfere with our travels to and from there.

Who do you spend the Holidays with?  

Medical Care Battle

If you've been around Military spouses often, you've probably heard at least one or two complain about the medical care.  I have some opinions on it, but I'll spare you that.  My family and I also see a handful of civilian providers and the problems exist there too.  It isn't just a military thing.

Anyway, I'm getting a bit frustrated for Ryan.  I've been asking the medical professionals for a while about a recurrent issue, and am getting no where.  It is frustrating to feel like you are not being heard.

We've been told casually by a few medical professionals that Ryan seems to have allergies.  He frequently has telltale symptoms going on.  However, these "allergies" are through all the seasons, so I'm not sure what they are to exactly.  Coincidentally, during the winter months Ryan always seems to end up with a persistent cough and similar congestion.  The cough doesn't respond to medicine very well.  Recently I asked his old doctor how to handle the allergies and I really wasn't given an answer.

The last time he was having an issue was right before Pat came home from deployment.  I was told that he had allergies that caused inflammation that then travelled down and became bronchitis.  He needed lots of meds and a breathing treatment.  I'm no doctor, so I cannot confirm the accuracy of what I am told.

Yesterday, Pat took Ryan to the clinic on post because he said his ear hurt.  We assumed he had an ear infection.  Turns out he doesn't have an ear infection, but rather he may have pneumonia.  They gave him antibiotics and cough medicine and sent them on their way.  This could 100% be an isolated issue.  However, I'm getting worried that this is part of the recurrent issues we are constantly dealing with.  The poor little child gets sick so often.  If there is anything I can do to prevent this I want to know.  

Thankfully I need to schedule his 4 year check up anyway, so I can follow up then.  It will be with a new doctor and I just hope that he will listen to me and help us keep Ryan healthy.

"I want my Mom."

I like to believe that I am a strong, independent woman that is capable of handling a lot.  I feel like I've proved this over the past few years.  I'll admit that there are moments of weakness, and during some occasions when it feels like I've been circling the toilet bowl both physically and emotionally I want to go back to childhood.  When these low moments hit me, I sometimes find myself longing for my own mother to swoop in and take care of me.  There is something about a mother's comfort that stays with children all their lives, and the idea of having no responsibilities myself seems so easy in these moments.

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I hope that I'm able to give my children the same comfort, love, and closeness that my mother provided for me.  I want my boys to remember me taking care of them and the safe feeling a mother's care gives a child.  I hope that even when my boys are all grown up, they'll have these same fond memories of me caring for them.

And don't worry about me, I am fine now.  I just wanted to share this observation that I had about wanting my mom.  Does anyone else ever want to go back to the days when someone would tuck them into bed and care for them?

Faking It

Have you ever had some things going on in your life that you weren't quite ready to share with your blog?
That is what is going on here.  I have a few things in life that are taking over my brain and my heart, but the time to share them on this blog just isn't right yet.  That's why I've kind of gone MIA from the blog world.  I never intended to stop blogging, and I really do plan to come back to it.  However, I feel like I'm being fake if I try to write like normal and am avoiding an elephant in my reality.

But there are some things I WANT to blog about, like my upcoming (BIG!) birthday,  my Ry-Ry's 4th birthday!, maybe even our holiday plans.

So I guess I just want to say I haven't forgotten about my blog.  It's not that I don't care about it or all of you that take the time to stop by here.  I just need a bit of time to sort some things out and then I promise you'll hear all about it.  

I spoke too soon.

I spoke about the kids being sick too soon.  It hasn't hit me yet--knock on wood, but yesterday I got a call from Ryan's preschool that he wasn't feeling well.  I was already on the way there.  When I got to him, he looked pitiful.  He would only mumble answers, and I could tell he felt sick.  Before we took off to go home I gave him a bag and a big plastic cup in case he needed to be sick.

WARNING THE REST IS A BIT TMI FOR SOME

A few minutes into the trip home he almost cried out saying "my belly still hurts".   And then he began to vomit.  Half watching him and half watching the road, I yell "cup!" and he proceeds to get sick into the cup.  He did an amazing job controlling himself to follow that direction.  At the stop light right before our road, I notice Ryan has fallen asleep right as I hear "SPLAT!"  I begin to yell "cup!" again.  He was tipping the vomit cup all over the floor of the car in his sleep.  I couldn't help but laugh at how this was turning out.  

I guess you could say I got lucky that most of the splat landed on a toy ad the kids had in the car.  I didn't have too much to clean up.  I did a quick clean up of his car seat, started the laundry, and then proceeded to lay in bed with two little boys.  Ryan vomited most of the day.  It hit him hard, and hopefully the worst is over now.  

Please send me all the good vibes you can that I don't catch this too!

Sick Kids = Tired Momma

The past week or so I've been consumed by nursing the boys back to health.  It started with a cough and a couple bloody noses for Ryan.  Coughs really affect Ryan and medicines only help him feel relief about half the time.  Shortly after Ryan got over his illness Sean was hit by a bug.  He started vomiting in the bed the other night.  I am so thankful I was with him that night in his bed because he sleeps on his back, and I'm not sure he understood why he needed to roll over to prevent chocking.  It was scary for a second there.  I brought him to my bed where he continued to get sick 3 or 4 more times.  He didn't have a fever, so we thought it was probably just something he ate.  We finally went to bed around 2:45 a.m..  Upon waking up at 6:00 a.m.  Sean needed an emergency trip to the bathroom, and after that I would assume he had nothing left in his system.  Yesterday Sean was acting very normal (although tired from the night before), so I thought it was probably over.  After his nap he seemed a little off and was starting to run a slight fever.  I went to get the tylenol, and he began to vomit all over again.  I brought him in to the clinic on post.  Pat met me there.  Ryan was a complete monster the whole time because he didn't get his energy out that day.  Finally after 7 p.m. we were headed home with some anti-nausea medication for Sean.  Because the idea of him getting sick in his sleep is so scary, I decided to sleep with him in his bed again.  He was running a slight fever through the night.  He slept pretty restlessly, which meant very interrupted sleep for me.  He needed a trip to the potty at 4:50 a.m. and then Ryan got up around 6:00 a.m.

To say I'm tired would be an understatement.  Pat has been an amazing help though.  I don't know what I would if he were gone right now.  While I hardly ever admit it, this is one of those times where I can say I could totally use a break from my life just for about 24 hours.  24 hours of me in a bed with the tv and a comfy pillow.  I would love some peace and quiet...and sleep.  

Halloween

Over the past weekend and yesterday we did lots of celebrating for Halloween.

This weekend we did some trick or treating with a town run event.  There were so many people there, but I think it is one of the great free events the town has for kids.  It's the events like this that I'll miss when we move.  Here are the boys getting ready to go.  Sean just woke up from a nap and wasn't so sure about costumes and trick or treating.  He warmed up to it quickly though.

We carved some pumpkins and even made a cookie house.  I didn't get a photo of the cookie house before the boys started pulling the candy off it though.  For the pumpkins Ryan wanted a happy pumpkin (white one) and a scary one for Sean (orange).

Yesterday Ryan had his Halloween party at school.  He went as a knight.

And then last night was trick or treating around the neighborhood.  Again Sean was a little unsure about the whole thing until he realized he was collecting treats.  The boys had so much fun by the time they were done.

I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween. I'm really excited for all that November has to bring.