These moods have me feeling like the worst mother on the planet. It is very hard not to take my crankiness out on Ryan when he keeps spilling drinks, shouting at me, or just plain irritating me in a way only Ryan (and probably Pat) can. But I know how unfair I am being and am so ashamed of my behavior. Yesterday I was in one of these moods and was just praying that I could get both kids down in the afternoon so that I could have a break. Thankfully, I succeeded and that break was just what I needed.
I think a big contributing factor to my bad moods is that I really never get a break. Even when Ryan is at school, I am still caring for Sean, doing house work, and have my volunteer duties. I feel like my plate is so full that things are beginning to roll off. Even when I've had family visiting recently, the free time that they provide me was being used for medical appointments and meetings that I wouldn't otherwise be able to make.
Now don't get me wrong, I love staying home with the kids. I love being their mother. Most of the time I would choose not to be away from them for any amount of time. But I think after 5+ months, I've finally realized that I am being neglected. While I am very limited in what I can do for myself, I'm realizing that maybe I need to think about myself once in a while so that I can be a better mother to my kids. Does that makes sense? Do you ever feel like you need to take care of you to be better for them?
Speaking of the kids, I just have to take a minute to RAVE about my little boys. They are completely adorable. While they have completely different personalities, they both have such a sweet streak to them. Ryan is completely full of character; he's hilarious, but also very caring. Recently something happened that upset me, and I was crying. Ryan kept bringing me tissues and saying, "don't cry, Momma." He's been giving me hugs and kisses right when I really need them. It is weird that sometimes my little almost 3 year old boy is the one that is cheering me up with a big smile, a hug, his crazy antics, or his cute comments. Sean on the other hand is simply a sweet natured child. I love the fact that he adores giving hugs and kisses. He is a baby boy that likes to snuggle, now maybe not compared to other babies, but definitely compared to Ryan. Yesterday, I think he was starting to feel a little under the weather, but other than his frequent yawns and slight temperature, I would have never known because his temperament never changed. I am so lucky to have such great children. I just hope that one day they will feel lucky to have me too.
Lastly, I'll just update you all on Pat coming home for R & R. There are some things in his job that may cause his leave dates to move. I know it's the Army, and I shouldn't expect any thing less. However, I have to admit the new dates have me slightly disappointed. I am lucky to be able to see him on R & R, and I know the dates don't matter. It's just that the previous plan for his R & R was so perfect, that any other dates obviously can't be as good. It seems that he may still be home for Christmas day, and leaving at the first opportunity after it. I'm not sure how it will affect our Christmas plans yet, but we'll come up with some way to celebrate without focusing on him leaving. I'm still waiting to hear the next plan about his leave, because we all know it's going to keep changing ;)