10 Months!

My little boy is growing up so fast.  Today he's 10 months old. 

Negativity

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been feeling very negative, and I really do not want to share my self-pity party.  Nothing has really changed except for me being stuck in this crappy frame of mind.  I'm going to try to refrain from posting until I have a more positive outlook to share.  

However, as if it were an anniversary, I feel the need to mark each passing month.  Today we've hit 5 months done and are that much closer to being together again.  Pat has been gone for over half of Ryan's life now (plus gone tdy during the time he was home).  He's missed so many firsts with his son, and that makes me sad.  Recently Pat and I were talking about how when he left Ryan was a little baby that just needed to be held.  All he could do was roll over.  He's changed so much and become such a big boy.  It's been five months since Pat held his son and five long months since I held my husband's hand or shared a hug.  I'm proud that Ryan and I have come so far, but I look forward to being a family of 3 again.  I cannot wait for the new year and all the happiness it will bring.  

Now I'm off to watch the debate!       

I made it through.

I wasn't sure I would, but I made it through the day yesterday.  The night before I was up vomiting from 9 p.m.-5 a.m. and sleeping intermittently on the bathroom floor.  My fever was 100.6, and I'm not sure I've ever been that sick before.  Yesterday, while I was no longer getting sick, I felt miserable.  I was having trouble drinking anything and knew I was getting dehydrated.  I was so thankful though at what a good boy Ryan was.  Most of the day he played by himself which made it easy on me.  I felt bad because yesterday was the first day that I was really watching the clock counting down until his bedtime.  He went to sleep really well, and I slept for 12 hours last night, only getting up for a few nighttime feedings.  I can't blame him for waking up though, there probably couldn't be much milk when I have no fluids in me.  Even the dogs were very well behaved and slept like champs last night.  I couldn't have asked for Ryan or the dogs to be better for me yesterday.  I am lucky.

I'm feeling much better today, although there is still the remnants of illness sticking around.  My fever is gone and I'm able to drink much more today.    I feel like a complete moron though because tonight is supposed to be my first FRG meeting.  I called the Squadron Commander's wife to fill in for me.  I don't want to take the chance at getting anyone else sick, and I think Ryan and I still need a bit more rest.  I just feel like it looks irresponsible of me not to go.  I was going to have the opportunity to meet some great wives, and now it looks like I don't care.  I know they'll understand, but I just wish the timing had worked out better.  

I will say that yesterday was by far the most challenging day of the deployment so far.  I shed lots of tears (which I know I shouldn't have wasted the water crying, but I couldn't help it).  I am so lucky with a great bunch of dogs and such a wonderful little boy.  Thank you to the friends who called to check on me.  Pat also helped to console me.  I miss him so much.  Even though he couldn't be here,  hearing his voice made me feel better.  I cannot wait until he is home.  My poor family back home must get sick of my phone calls, but without them I couldn't survive.  I have so much support and am so grateful for all of it.